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By: David Taylor
By: David Taylor

of Magic Mike, Ted, Madea's Witness Protection, People Like Us and Moonrise Kingdom

As the summer movie season began, this weekend was meant to have a different feel.  Instead of the 5 new releases (one of which is new to Lexington), we should have been blown away by the latest from the Real American Heroes that are G.I. Joe.  However, last month, the film was pulled and delayed 9 months to add 3D and more Channing Tatum.  I will save my feelings about this for the time when the movie is finally released.  Don’t feel too bad for Channing Tatum.  He no longer has to compete against himself as he is the star in our first movie.

MAGIC MIKE

A male stripper teaches a younger performer how to party, pick up women, and make easy money. *

Distinguished thespian Tatum (She’s the Man) portrays the title character in this Steven Soderbergh (The Girlfriend Experiment, Ocean’s Eleven, Solaris) directed film.  As much as I like the director and his risky endeavors, I have to say that this is a film made for the ladies.  Seeing as I am not a lady, I will be taking a pass.  This film is only getting 1 dollar bill stuffed where the sun don’t shine out of 5.  Magic Mike is rated R for pervasive sexual content, brief graphic nudity, language and some drug use.

TED

A story centered on a man and his teddy bear, who comes to life as the result of a childhood wish. *

Mark Wahlberg sets asides his producing duties from Entourage to talk to animals.  In this case, the animal is stuffed and answers back with the voice of Brian the dog from Family Guy.  This is the feature film directing debut of Seth MacFarlane, the creator of the animated series Family Guy and American Dad.  If you have watched those series, then you can be pretty sure the type of humor that permeates this film.  As for me, his comedy is either hit or miss.  When it hits, there is hardly anything funnier on television.  The misses (which are far too frequent) are way off target, to the point where I begin questioning why I am still watching.  Ted appears to be more of the same, only without the constraints of the FCC.  Will I see it?  I’ve not made up my mind.  I’m making a wish and am receiving 3 Teddy Ruxpin’s out of 5.  Ted is rated R for crude and sexual content, pervasive language, and some drug use.

MADEA’S WITNESS PROTECTION

A Wall Street investment banker who has been set up as the linchpin of his company's mob-backed Ponzi scheme is relocated with his family to Aunt Madea's southern home. *

 Writer, director and star Tyler Perry has made a fortune out of milking his Madea character through numerous films and television series.  He has an audience and he gives them what they want.  As for me, I’ve never seen a Madea film.  From the looks of the dismal trailer, I’m not going to start now.  I’m sure it will make lots of money.  It just won’t make mine.  I’m going to enter the Witness Protection Program and hide out with 1 U.S. Marshall out of 5.  Madea’s Witness Protection is rated PG-13 for some crude sexual remarks and brief drug references.

PEOPLE LIKE US

A man is tasked with delivering $150,000 of his deceased father's fortune to the sister he has never met. *

Whoever did the trailers for this movie should be fired.  Why would you frame a movie about a brother and a sister connecting in the style of a romantic drama?  I’m watching the trailer and I feel like I need to take a shower.  The movie does look interesting and I have a feeling it is a lot more innocent than the first impression.  I just have to get past the initial unease.  I’m inheriting 3 fortunes out of 5.  People Like Us is rated PG-13 for language, some drug use and brief sexuality.

MOONRISE KINGDOM

A pair of young lovers flee their New England town, which causes a local search party to fan out and find them. *

Wes Anderson films are an acquired taste.  While I may love the majority of his quirky tales (Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums are two of my favorite comedies), I’ve known many people who swear they are horrible and dull.  While this is on my must watch list, I recognize it will not be for everyone.  This movie has been a critical darling so far in its limited release, currently residing at 94% out of 155 reviews on Rotten Tomatoes.  Moonrise Kingdom is the film that I am hoping relieves me of the June funk (Seeking a Friend last week helped a great deal in that department as well).  I’m heading out to the farm and hunting 4 Fantastic Mr. Foxes out of 5.  Moonrise Kingdom is rated PG-13 for sexual content and smoking.

That will do for this week.  Tune in next time when we watch a reboot of a decade old success.  Until then, when I stomp on your foot and say, “Hello Mr. Thompson,” you smile and nod.

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